[Hermes chuckles softly at the question.] No, we don't always have to be men, or women, or in between. Hermes has always been picked for who's the best suited candidate, regardless of who they are or what they look like.
[But seriously, buddy. Here he is trying to gently steer away from the grim topics he knows he has to discuss with them at some point soon, and they're asking questions he can't really avoid without lying.
He crosses his arms, looking down at the crumbs remaining of the cookie rather than directly at his friend, trying to think of what exactly he wants to say.
Then he fluffs up his feathers, looking at his friend again with a hint of playfulness in his eyes.]
Try to guess my age. Don't worry, I won't take offense if you get it wrong.
Ohhh. Huh. Does that ever like... make it weird? Like - "oh man I totally forgot my hair wasn't super long anymore, and I went and got hair ties oops"?
[That's a thing that happens to people when they cut their hair anyway, right? Right.]
[The quiet makes them fidget. It always does. Maybe they should get one of those spinners. Instead, they tug at their sleeves, rolling them up and down over their hands.]
[Hermes scrunches his nose, giving a little chuckle.]
I'm flattered. It's closer to... six hundred? Ish? Maybe seven hundred, I lost track a while ago. Old enough that I remember catching the black plague. Polly did me a solid and fixed me up when the last Hermes decided she wanted me to be the next Hermes.
[Hermes fluffs out his feathers for emphasis.] Let me tell you. Being born before germ theory was a thing, and living long enough to see smartphones? Wild. Pretty sure everyone else but 'Thena has gone through at least half a dozen eidolon passes in that time.
Oh - oh yeah. Yeah I guess you get used to stuff like that, eventually. Like haircuts. But with magic. And really long life.
[The look on their face kind of resembles someone who got hit with a brick. Surprised.]
The... the plague? With the fleas and the rats? Holy cow, dude.
[That's putting it mildly. They have to process that for a little while. They figured he was older than most anything they've ever come in contact with before, but they absolutely weren't expecting that.]
So you saw like - everything cool happen? Planes, and doctors and... the internet? That's sick!
Oh yeah, fleas and rats everywhere. Sanitation regulations? Revolutionary.
[He grins, leaning against the counter, pleased that he's managed to get them excited again. He loves seeing his friend be excited about things.]
Yup, saw it all happen. Participated sometimes, too. Fall of the Byzantine Empire, that was a pretty big one. Renaissance? Personally carried texts from Greece to Italy so they wouldn't be lost. If just taking them through a magic door counts as carrying, which I say it does. Da Vinci was one of Polly's kids, nice guy, great conversationalist.
[Hermes can't blame them for their feelings. If he could only keep one thing in the world that's been invented since he was born, it'd be sanitation regulations.]
Yeah, met all the Ninja Turtle painters. Let me tell you: they totally named Michelangelo wrong. He was an irritable jerk.
[His smile fades a little bit. It doesn't disappear, but it's not quite so cheerful.] Yeah, we can have kids. Unfortunately, they don't usually inherit any immortality or powers. That's part of why Polly is so... Polly-ish.
[And part of why Hermes wants to pass on his eidolon soon. He's had and lost many kids over the years, and he misses them. He wants to see them again.]
[Buddy, you're making it really hard for Hermes to keep the conversation light.]
You can't use an eidolon just to keep the people you love alive. It comes with responsibilities. Memories. Passing an eidolon to someone who isn't suited to it is just a recipe for misery, for them and everyone around them.
[Hermes heaves a sigh, looking distant for a moment as he looks out a window.] It's better for them to rest in the Underworld with the rest of the family.
[And yes. They go to the same afterlife as idols do. Which means Hermes has chaperoned his own children.]
I'm uh. Hittin' a whole bunch of mines here huh? Sorry.
[They really are. Reaching up to rub sheepishly at the back of their neck. It's an accident, genuinely. Curiosity isn't really something they know how to dial down effectively.]
So uh. Okay! Okay - new talk! Favorite food back in [And they wiggle their fingers.] ye olden days!
[Hermes huffs in gentle amusement, smiling.] Never be sorry about being curious. I love that about you.
[It's true. He loves how curious his friend is. He loves how excited they are to learn new things, even if sometimes they stumble into uncomfortable topics.
But Hermes will happily take the opportunity to talk about something else. He grins, rocking on his heels as he thinks.]
Let's see... Gotta say, global spice trade has really kicked up food. But I really miss how wild game and fruit used to taste. Now, wild animals keep chewing on old plastic or trash, and all the fruit's been bred for quantity over quality, so you just can't get it like it used to be.
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[That's a thing that happens to people when they cut their hair anyway, right? Right.]
[The quiet makes them fidget. It always does. Maybe they should get one of those spinners. Instead, they tug at their sleeves, rolling them up and down over their hands.]
Uhhh...? [They squint. Studying Hermes.] Four... hundred?
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[The look on their face kind of resembles someone who got hit with a brick. Surprised.]
The... the plague? With the fleas and the rats? Holy cow, dude.
[That's putting it mildly. They have to process that for a little while. They figured he was older than most anything they've ever come in contact with before, but they absolutely weren't expecting that.]
So you saw like - everything cool happen? Planes, and doctors and... the internet? That's sick!
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[The look on their face. It's like Hermes just suggested kicking a puppy or something.]
[Not that they aren't interested in the story. They just have to make their feelings known.]
Whoa. So like - you saw all the Ninja Turtle painters? Right? Were they all like - Idol Juniors? [A beat.] You guys can have kids?
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[This is very, very distressing news!]
[... and then there's more distressing news. Talk about putting a foot in their mouth, huh?]
Oh. That... yeah I get that'd be - real rough. Dang, dude. And I guess you guys don't really - pass stuff on to them? Or didn't.
[Oh honey no stop asking these things.]
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I'm uh. Hittin' a whole bunch of mines here huh? Sorry.
[They really are. Reaching up to rub sheepishly at the back of their neck. It's an accident, genuinely. Curiosity isn't really something they know how to dial down effectively.]
So uh. Okay! Okay - new talk! Favorite food back in [And they wiggle their fingers.] ye olden days!