Dude, that's - like? Not possible when you say stuff like that?
[Because it's concerning. It's really, really concerning. Just casually mentioning ferrying people you knew, you'd known for hundreds of years, to the land of the dead? Literally? It sounds awful.]
[They end up pushing the other half of the cookie across the table toward Hermes instead.]
Oh. Oh. She... in the whole...? [They're making a couple hand gestures to try and elaborate. But when you say "WWII" and "caught by the Germans", it doesn't really need much exposition. The blanks fill themselves in.] And nobody's like... said "hey maybe we should try therapy"?
That's probably not really a thing. Is there a god of therapy?
No god of therapy, unfortunately. Even if there were, we've all got too much history to really make good therapists for each other, and 'Thena's rules about secrecy makes it hard to look for a qualified mortal.
[Let alone a mortal who really has expertise that could translate to picking apart hundreds of years of trauma.
Hermes smiles at the cookie. He accepts it, taking a nibble, and smiles at his friend.]
I really don't want you to worry. It's sad, yeah. But it's also... nice is the wrong word, but... fulfilling?
[Hermes looks out the window, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular as he considers.] This is my family. And in a moment when they're most scared and vulnerable, I get to be the one to let them know that they'll be okay, and make sure they get to where they need to go. No matter where they are when they die, I still get a chance to say goodbye and give them what they need. [His eyes focus on his friend again. His smile is a bit melancholy, but still sincere.] That's what I mean when I say being Hermes is about being of service. It's not just running errands for Athena. It's making sure that when there's no one else, I'm there to make sure people safely go where they need to, and I can make the experience that much less scary.
Oh - oh right. Secret. Everybody's top secret. I forget sometimes. [A beat.] Not that I'm like, blabbing to everybody I run into but. Just talking to you and stuff. I forget. Sorry.
[But that's still so much. Maybe it's not their place to get involved. They're just kind of... here.]
[As they often do, they swing their legs while they're listening. But they're listening, all the same. Got to fidget a little. Somehow. It's hard to imagine, not only being relied on so much, like that. But also the closeness with family. Couldn't be them! At all.]
You gotta be good at it, then. You're so chill, and nice. Calming. You always make me feel better about stuff. I guess that what happens when you've been... well. You. For a really long time, yeah?
[Hermes leans against the counter, smiling fondly at his friend.]
Thanks. I wasn't always good at it, though. The last Hermes did her best to teach me, but it's the kind of thing you learn best on the job. Especially once you get to know everyone and what works for them best.
[And Hermes is very confident their friend would be excellent at this part of the job, if given the time to just find their feet. But he doesn't think he should suggest that right now. The conversation's heavy enough.]
I've been me for... way too long, honestly. [Hermes chuckles, shaking his head.] I'm pretty sure I've held onto my eidolon longer than anyone but Athena. Hard to get into lethal accidents when I can just door my way out of problems.
Her? [How did they not clue in yet.] You mean... you guys aren't always uh. Like you are? I thought like. Hermes was a dude. Always. Is that... not the thing?
[Maybe that's a better topic. Maybe. Maybe not. And then the confusion on their face draws down into concerned face all over again.]
What do you mean...? You've been. You? Way too long.
[They don't really want to say it, but coming after what he just said about Aphrodite? Does that mean they're going to do the same thing?]
[Hermes chuckles softly at the question.] No, we don't always have to be men, or women, or in between. Hermes has always been picked for who's the best suited candidate, regardless of who they are or what they look like.
[But seriously, buddy. Here he is trying to gently steer away from the grim topics he knows he has to discuss with them at some point soon, and they're asking questions he can't really avoid without lying.
He crosses his arms, looking down at the crumbs remaining of the cookie rather than directly at his friend, trying to think of what exactly he wants to say.
Then he fluffs up his feathers, looking at his friend again with a hint of playfulness in his eyes.]
Try to guess my age. Don't worry, I won't take offense if you get it wrong.
Ohhh. Huh. Does that ever like... make it weird? Like - "oh man I totally forgot my hair wasn't super long anymore, and I went and got hair ties oops"?
[That's a thing that happens to people when they cut their hair anyway, right? Right.]
[The quiet makes them fidget. It always does. Maybe they should get one of those spinners. Instead, they tug at their sleeves, rolling them up and down over their hands.]
[Hermes scrunches his nose, giving a little chuckle.]
I'm flattered. It's closer to... six hundred? Ish? Maybe seven hundred, I lost track a while ago. Old enough that I remember catching the black plague. Polly did me a solid and fixed me up when the last Hermes decided she wanted me to be the next Hermes.
[Hermes fluffs out his feathers for emphasis.] Let me tell you. Being born before germ theory was a thing, and living long enough to see smartphones? Wild. Pretty sure everyone else but 'Thena has gone through at least half a dozen eidolon passes in that time.
Oh - oh yeah. Yeah I guess you get used to stuff like that, eventually. Like haircuts. But with magic. And really long life.
[The look on their face kind of resembles someone who got hit with a brick. Surprised.]
The... the plague? With the fleas and the rats? Holy cow, dude.
[That's putting it mildly. They have to process that for a little while. They figured he was older than most anything they've ever come in contact with before, but they absolutely weren't expecting that.]
So you saw like - everything cool happen? Planes, and doctors and... the internet? That's sick!
Oh yeah, fleas and rats everywhere. Sanitation regulations? Revolutionary.
[He grins, leaning against the counter, pleased that he's managed to get them excited again. He loves seeing his friend be excited about things.]
Yup, saw it all happen. Participated sometimes, too. Fall of the Byzantine Empire, that was a pretty big one. Renaissance? Personally carried texts from Greece to Italy so they wouldn't be lost. If just taking them through a magic door counts as carrying, which I say it does. Da Vinci was one of Polly's kids, nice guy, great conversationalist.
[Hermes can't blame them for their feelings. If he could only keep one thing in the world that's been invented since he was born, it'd be sanitation regulations.]
Yeah, met all the Ninja Turtle painters. Let me tell you: they totally named Michelangelo wrong. He was an irritable jerk.
[His smile fades a little bit. It doesn't disappear, but it's not quite so cheerful.] Yeah, we can have kids. Unfortunately, they don't usually inherit any immortality or powers. That's part of why Polly is so... Polly-ish.
[And part of why Hermes wants to pass on his eidolon soon. He's had and lost many kids over the years, and he misses them. He wants to see them again.]
[Buddy, you're making it really hard for Hermes to keep the conversation light.]
You can't use an eidolon just to keep the people you love alive. It comes with responsibilities. Memories. Passing an eidolon to someone who isn't suited to it is just a recipe for misery, for them and everyone around them.
[Hermes heaves a sigh, looking distant for a moment as he looks out a window.] It's better for them to rest in the Underworld with the rest of the family.
[And yes. They go to the same afterlife as idols do. Which means Hermes has chaperoned his own children.]
I'm uh. Hittin' a whole bunch of mines here huh? Sorry.
[They really are. Reaching up to rub sheepishly at the back of their neck. It's an accident, genuinely. Curiosity isn't really something they know how to dial down effectively.]
So uh. Okay! Okay - new talk! Favorite food back in [And they wiggle their fingers.] ye olden days!
[Hermes huffs in gentle amusement, smiling.] Never be sorry about being curious. I love that about you.
[It's true. He loves how curious his friend is. He loves how excited they are to learn new things, even if sometimes they stumble into uncomfortable topics.
But Hermes will happily take the opportunity to talk about something else. He grins, rocking on his heels as he thinks.]
Let's see... Gotta say, global spice trade has really kicked up food. But I really miss how wild game and fruit used to taste. Now, wild animals keep chewing on old plastic or trash, and all the fruit's been bred for quantity over quality, so you just can't get it like it used to be.
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[Because it's concerning. It's really, really concerning. Just casually mentioning ferrying people you knew, you'd known for hundreds of years, to the land of the dead? Literally? It sounds awful.]
[They end up pushing the other half of the cookie across the table toward Hermes instead.]
Oh. Oh. She... in the whole...? [They're making a couple hand gestures to try and elaborate. But when you say "WWII" and "caught by the Germans", it doesn't really need much exposition. The blanks fill themselves in.] And nobody's like... said "hey maybe we should try therapy"?
That's probably not really a thing. Is there a god of therapy?
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[But that's still so much. Maybe it's not their place to get involved. They're just kind of... here.]
[As they often do, they swing their legs while they're listening. But they're listening, all the same. Got to fidget a little. Somehow. It's hard to imagine, not only being relied on so much, like that. But also the closeness with family. Couldn't be them! At all.]
You gotta be good at it, then. You're so chill, and nice. Calming. You always make me feel better about stuff. I guess that what happens when you've been... well. You. For a really long time, yeah?
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[Maybe that's a better topic. Maybe. Maybe not. And then the confusion on their face draws down into concerned face all over again.]
What do you mean...? You've been. You? Way too long.
[They don't really want to say it, but coming after what he just said about Aphrodite? Does that mean they're going to do the same thing?]
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[That's a thing that happens to people when they cut their hair anyway, right? Right.]
[The quiet makes them fidget. It always does. Maybe they should get one of those spinners. Instead, they tug at their sleeves, rolling them up and down over their hands.]
Uhhh...? [They squint. Studying Hermes.] Four... hundred?
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[The look on their face kind of resembles someone who got hit with a brick. Surprised.]
The... the plague? With the fleas and the rats? Holy cow, dude.
[That's putting it mildly. They have to process that for a little while. They figured he was older than most anything they've ever come in contact with before, but they absolutely weren't expecting that.]
So you saw like - everything cool happen? Planes, and doctors and... the internet? That's sick!
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[The look on their face. It's like Hermes just suggested kicking a puppy or something.]
[Not that they aren't interested in the story. They just have to make their feelings known.]
Whoa. So like - you saw all the Ninja Turtle painters? Right? Were they all like - Idol Juniors? [A beat.] You guys can have kids?
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[This is very, very distressing news!]
[... and then there's more distressing news. Talk about putting a foot in their mouth, huh?]
Oh. That... yeah I get that'd be - real rough. Dang, dude. And I guess you guys don't really - pass stuff on to them? Or didn't.
[Oh honey no stop asking these things.]
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I'm uh. Hittin' a whole bunch of mines here huh? Sorry.
[They really are. Reaching up to rub sheepishly at the back of their neck. It's an accident, genuinely. Curiosity isn't really something they know how to dial down effectively.]
So uh. Okay! Okay - new talk! Favorite food back in [And they wiggle their fingers.] ye olden days!